Recently, I read an interview with a popular actress in a magazine. The cover of the mag advertised the interview under the headline: "Steal the secret to her confidence!" Of course, the interview went on to yammer about what she was wearing, who she was dating, and all the stuff that we feel the need to know about celebrities. Then, finally the promised secret: "It's her I-don't-give-a-[expletive]-what-anyone-thinks-of-me attitude," the mag proclaimed.
Uh.......okaaaay....
Yeah, I know, people who are all hung up on what others think usually wind up with pretty low-self esteems. We all know that you can't please everybody. You can be as genuine as possible or you can wear a thousand masks, but there's always that someone who can't find anything better to do than hate on you. No, you can't become consumed with what others think of you.
But, then, have you ever met someone who decided they didn't care what others think...and just stopped there? I mean, people who REALLY don't care what others think- they don't care if their waitress, cashier, or customer service representative think that they are the rudest customer they've ever had. They don't care if their teachers or classmates think they are distracting or obnoxious. They don't care if their friends and families are embarrassed by them. You can't discuss anything with unless you want to feel belittled or attacked. Confident? Maybe...but "cocky," or even just plain "rude" might be a better word.
So, there has to be more to confidence than just not caring what people think of you. Think about some of the most "confident" people you know- the ones that you wish you were like. I'm picturing a few people, most of whom I know from church or work. These are the people who, when I walk into a room, come rushing over to me to ask how I am. Sometimes, if they have a detailed-enough memory, they ask me about some important-to-me event that took place recently (like a job interview or going to visit a cousin). They aren't trying to get something from me; they just want to make me feel valued. Their concern isn't what I think of them; their concern is what I think of myself!
It really is more blessed to give than to receive, and this is the perfect example- when you focus on giving confidence to others, you'll naturally find yourself becoming more confident, because you will like who you are and other people will like having you around!
Two examples:
A few years ago when I was in school, I walked over to the girl who I claimed as my best friend at the time, and greeted her, "Hey, what's up?"
She turned to me and replied, "Those jeans are ugly."
Well, excuse me, this was school, not the Miss USA pageant! I was looking for comfort that day, not a fashion statement. "I don't care," I told her.
"Well, I do!" she told me. (I walked away at that point. She and I aren't really friends anymore...in fact, I don't think she has many friends anymore.)
Obviously, this acquaintance of mine didn't care what other people thought...even if it meant no one was going to like her. Maybe she insinuated confidence at the time, but I'd like to know how she felt after she realized no one wanted to be around her and listen to her thoughtless put-downs.
Example two: I was visiting a church (I now attend there regularly) for the second time- my first time there had been six months ago when I was home from college for Christmas. As I seated myself, I made eye-contact with a woman who I had met the last time I'd visited- and, much to my surprise, she waved enthusiastically to me, then rushed over to give me a hug and ask how school was, how long I was home for, etc. She was taking a risk- some people don't know how to accept friendliness, and I could have acted awkward or given her a cold shoulder. But she wasn't worried about what I thought of her (if I had been rude, it was my problem, not hers!), she was concerned about what I thought of myself- she wanted to make sure I felt welcomed in the church and valued by her!
So, maybe there's something to be said about "I don't care what others think of me,"....but, only if it's followed by, "I care what others think of themselves!"
